Thursday, March 30, 2017

Part II: How Do You Know You Are Walking In Your Purpose?

Standing in the light of my own energy, I felt no doubt, no fear, no self judgement.  I knew exactly what I needed to do next.  I went home and scheduled my visit for a holistic healing consultation for February 25th.  I'd always wanted to take a cooking class with my daughter; we love cooking together. Just for fun, I purchased an Organic Soul Chef cooking class session with Sister-Mama Madea Allen.  The Universe was orchestrating one good feeling opportunity after the other to prepare me for what was coming...

Almost at the end of the day Thursday (February 23rd) my Supervisor at the DOES came over to my desk and asked to meet with me in an empty office.  He seemed very nervous.  I, on the other hand, felt a serene calm.  The HR person sitting next to him seemed very uneasy.  She pushed a one page document in front of my supervisor for him to give to me.  With shaky hands and barely audible voice he pushed the letter across the table and said "I just wanted to give you this."  I felt empathy for my supervisor; he seemed so dissatisfied with his life.  Without reason, I was placed on administrative leave (with full salary paid) for two weeks with an release of duties effective March 9th.  I tried to contain my elation and the urge to thank the Universe out loud.  I was truly relieved.  I would not have to force myself to spend another minute in what I experienced to be a highly stunted and toxic environment.  I was so happy to get out of there that I completely forgot to take my house key off the work-key chain and gave them both.

While I felt relief I did not feel regret because as I am learning life's contrast is what helps me to know what I do want.  In my six months at the DOES I learned so much about my talents, I developed my skills and gained further insight to what I do not want to do with my life.  I have an authentic desire to help others through my life experiences and to better understand my power to heal my body, my mind and my spirit.  With this self knowledge I hope to empower others who are seeking their own unique holistic healing journeys.

And, because the Universe is always filling our requests, I had an awesome weekend queued up with wonderful Sisters who are living their passions.  On Friday, my daughter and I had a fun time with Mama Madea in her Organic Soul Chef cooking class where six Wombyn who had never met before (and two brothers) of different generations laughed, shared stories, recipes and cooked organic soul food together.  Saturday I had an amazing "me day" with Sis. Mayasa at the It's Time To Heal Sanctuary.  The Universe has our back, all the time...if we allow it.

So much came to remembrance during my time with Sis. Mayasa.  I remembered how wonderful it felt to walk in my power and be happy to share it with other Wombyn...


Early in life, I learned first-hand Taino and West African  ancestral botanical medicine.  I am a living testimony to the power of Jarabes [ha-rah-bes].  I grew up being sent to ‘La Botanica’; there was one in every neighborhood.  La Botanica was an herbalist and/or, botanist shop – but more importantly, a place of healing revered and respected in our community.   La Botanica was where Mother, Aunties and God Mothers all went when a physical, spiritual or emotional malady struck a member in the home or, family.  Our healing was not out of our geographical, cultural or financial reach.  We were never without a cure.  My strong foundation in holistic healing began in the kitchen.

I always found a way to sneak time in the kitchen; the Wombyn in my family taught me many things.  Coffee brewed while wisdom percolated on life, love, loss and triumph.  As a child I suffered greatly from chronic asthma.  The steroids pumped into my lungs made me weak, significantly decreased my cognitive abilities and mobility; I could not focus or barely stand while taking them.  One day, a neighbor from Santo Domingo prescribed a lemon, honey and Aloe elixir; that night I slept sound.  My asthma was not completely cured because most of us don't do the research on how detrimental the Standard American Diet (SAD) is to our health.  The elixir naturally expelled the mucus diminishing my cough and allowing my immune system rest so, it could do its job.  In time, my chronic asthma became seasonal allergies.  

Growing up, I watched my mother suffer from migraines. The Wombyn in my community tried everything from wrapping ground coffee beans in a bandana to ice packs; nothing worked.  At around seven or eight years of age, I felt great concern and asked my mother “mommy where does it hurt?” She put my little hands on the spot where it hurt.  I began massaging.  “You are going to be a nurse," my mother whispered as she fell asleep.   
Emotional trauma and living in a constant state of crisis or worry can cause physical and mental health issues.  As an emancipated minor in NYC, I suffered greatly from hypoglycemia and anemia.  Due to a nutrient deficient diet, I became susceptible to cavities, migraines and chronic fatigue.  Western pharmaceuticals say “treat the symptom”.  Botanical or, holistic medicine supports examining the whole individual to find and treat the root cause of the malady.  

As result of a nervous breakdown freshman year in college, I came into awareness of the power of being in the present moment.  I began a yoga and meditation practice with the Art of Living Organization.  In this phase of my life, I learned more about the spirit, mind, and body connection.  Through this esoteric practice I learned there is no such thing as “trying” there is only doing.   In fact, if you have thought it; you have done it.  We simply have to receive.  That is, move in the direction of our thoughts for physical, mental, emotional and, even financial well-being.

In 2007, a back molar with 12 year old Mercury fillings cracked to the gum-line and the filling fell out leaving a huge hole.  I began to feel extreme pain.  I asked the Universe for healing.  Searching on the internet I ran across a book called How To Cure Tooth Decay by Ramiel Nagel.  I had come across the book when Nani was a toddler.  Like most people, I was programmed to believe I had no power over my tooth decay.  I was not ready to let go of fear that comes from relying on others for our well-being so, I didn't believe I could cure my own tooth decay.  It was the BEST $30 dollars I ever spent, in my life.  First I learned about my nutritional needs.  Not knowing how I would afford modifying my diet I simply began taking small action steps towards the direction of my curiosity.  I began visiting farms in rural Massachusetts.  It was so liberating and fun!  Going to the farm became a family outing.  

Because I was focusing on well-being instead of on pain; I attracted more wellness – and, it expanded to other areas of my life.  In the summer of 2014, I decided to take my child to a fun-kid-friendly outdoor health fair featuring massage, Reiki and other holistic vendors.   After getting a massage, the Reiki practitioner offered to do a free energy session.  After she was done she asked me “Do you feel pain or, discomfort?”  “Yes, my back molar,” I replied without hesitation.   The Reiki specialist walked across to a Wombyn standing behind a table with many bottles of oils and came back with a six ounce cup full of scented water.  “Rinse with this for a few minutes and then drink it,” she said.  "She wants me to rinse with the water and then, drink it?" I thought to myself.  If you have ever suffered from tooth pain, you know the desperate feeling of wanting the pain to stop.  I did as she told me.  In less than five minutes, I felt no pain.  For years, I withstood pain, discomfort and also lived in a constant state of anxiety feeling powerless over my dental and overall health.  I have been using doTerra On-Guard Oil for three years faithfully.  Not only has this practice improved my dental health but, it increased my overall mental, emotional and spiritual health.  

What are you focusing on and causing to expand in your reality?  

I spoke my truth out loud.  I want to learn more about womb health, about our Kundalini powers and to steward Wombyn through childbirth.  I also want to write fiction novles and autobiographical books based on my life experiences and insights.  I took stock of my needs, desires and what feels good for me.  I inventoried the last three years of my struggle with different aspects of my health - physical, mental, nutritional and emotional. I no longer want to invest my energy in fear.  Instead, I will invest in the possibility of my desire to feel good - moment to moment.  

I asked the Universe to work from home so that I could invest in my family's desires.  Almost a month ago I became a Wellness Advocate for doTERRA's Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade Essential Oils. I also want to learn more about Doula work.  I created a newsletter called: Our Power To Heal Our Bodies; look out for that.  Your body (and your family's health) is your responsibility, don't let anyone tell you different.  

For more information of the power of CPTG Essential Oils click

You be safe...I'll be dangerous.


Sunday, March 26, 2017

Part I: How Do You Know You Are Walking In Your Purpose?

February 4th I decided to get really honest with myself.  
I wrote about my greatest fears and desires. Thoughts are things; they are not meant to be ignored. Our thoughts are indicators of our state of being. How many times have you told yourself "Well, I can't control the thoughts that run through my head."? Yes, we can control the thoughts we entertain. We can think - on purpose. 

I did not come to Washington DC to move further away from who I am but, to move in the direction of that which brings me closer to feeling free. And yet, I allowed myself to entertain fear, worry and doubt. Instead of focusing on creating experiences that felt good, I began focusing on conditioned thinking; this held me at a 'stand-still', physically and spiritually. The Universe however does not allow for waste so the contrast I experienced this past six months served great purpose.

I did everything I could to keep "my job". I began getting up at 4:00 amish to do yoga and prepare food so, that I could maintain my physical and mental health. The more I tried the more I resented having to go to work. As a result, I began doing everything I could at work to stay sane. I began listening to teachings on The Law of Attraction, Metaphysics and Alpha Binaural healing frequencies which serve to repair DNA and unlock higher frequencies in you. I was doing this everyday, almost all day. Nothing else held my attention or satisfied my curiosity. I played these frequencies even as my daughter and I slept. My fear diminished and my peace increased. Let me be clear: I still had anger fits, I still fell in and out of "why me" but, I caught myself faster. I became aware of my thoughts faster, even as I felt myself going "there." It is so important to acknowledge and then, celebrate our advances in our consciousness so, that we do not go inert or regress.  
We often do not acknowledge (much less celebrate) these types of advances because they are not tangibles IE: money, lover/life partner, weight loss, status, etc...but, these advances are what move us closer to the tangible manifestation of our desires, our vision for self.

I stopped believing I was at an disadvantage and began to see my advantage was in the contrast which was leading me closer to what felt good.

We can not get to happy from miserable. We can not get to abundance from ingratitude. We can not get to healing from a state of dis-ease. We can not get to Love from hate. We can not get to triumph from victimhood. I stopped believing I was at an disadvantage and began to see my advantage was in the contrast which was leading me closer to what felt good. This shift in thought, increased my momentum for actively receiving more good feeling opportunities.  An awesome thing happened.  I began having flashbacks of the happiest times in my life involved me using my intuition, insight or curiosity to create my reality to empower myself or someone else. This began when I was just a little girl. I pretended - creating my future. I laid on the tar roof top of our tenement building in the South Bronx and followed my curiosities.

I remembered freely boarding every airplane that flew above that tar roof top. I became a math teacher and wrote math problems on the hallway walls; taught an invisible class of students. My cousins, sisters and I pretended to be doctors, conducted physicals, prescribed remedies and healed patients. We circled up on the hallway floor and played the ‘What If’ game. The ‘What If’ game is the Spiritual Equivalent of bodybuilding. The stakes are high and there is no 'playing it safe'. We imagined the most outrageously difficult situations and offered our solutions. We asked ourselves: "What if you knew the world was ending? What would you do?" We invented Survivor. We were our own super heroes. At what point in life does it become not okay, to do this?

Then, there are seemingly insignificant memories of my cousin coming over and playing. I remember pretending to be her voice instructor, lol! My cousin could not sing, y'all...she has the raspiest voice ever.  But, I made her sing her little heart out. Did she become a famous singer? No. The point is it felt amazing to coach her out of her shell. And that is the thread running through my original question: How do I know I am walking in my purpose; my calling? When I create experiences that feel really good.  

There is a common and widely accepted misconception that our purpose looks like one repeated action which we have to work hard to perfect and attain recognition from others - not so. See yourself as a house with many rooms.  We have so many skills and talents and when we execute them we feel good! When we do one good feeling action we activate another. As a result, we begin to reach higher levels of our consciousness. We begin to walk in our power to create.

In Part IV of Six Degrees of Separation I vividly recount my body's physical protest against the direction I was forcing myself to go. I received words of wisdom that everything would be alright.  I healed. However with each passing month, I grew more and more claustrophobic at work. I felt guilty about resenting a highly coveted job with an excellent salary.  
Creative ways of collaborating internally and externally to generate business at work began to flood my consciousness.  The more ideas I shared with my colleagues and management, the more inert their responses became.  I began to mentally separate myself from my physical location at work. 

I asked The Universe to help me let-go of the fear-based reality I had created and help me regain the courage to walk in the direction of my desires. Listening to an Esther Hicks teaching, I heard her say "Do not feel guilty about feeling miserable at work or, of daydreaming about where you would really like to be or, what you would really like to be doing. You are creating the reality you truly desire. Your feelings about what you do not want are necessary to help you know what you do want.  By envisioning yourself doing what you do want to be doing, in the place you want to do it, you are calling it into being. When I heard this, I no longer felt like an ingrate. I felt a sense of confidence that everything was working out and I was moving in the right direction. I boldly moved towards visions that felt good. 

I received an email from a sister friend inviting me to the The Black Love Experience "a conglomerate of artistry and inventiveness geared towards creatives, revolutionaries, kindred souls, and fearless visionaries celebrating ourselves under the canopy of all things Black." (Nubian Hueman, 2017). Immediately, I felt good envisioning the space and being in it.  Everything I experienced on the evening of Feb. 18th led me back to me.  As I entered the Anacostia Arts center that evening, I felt a deep deja vu. I was standing in an almost 20 year vision to cooperatively own and operate an arts-based higher learning center.

The Universe has all the answers, for our questions.  The biggest question we all have is: Who am I?

Everywhere I looked; every room I entered in the Anacostia Arts Center felt good.  There was so much to see, touch, smell and experience: visual artwork, artisan natural soaps, body oils, African-inspired hand-crafted jewelry, clothes, shoes, hair care, live music performances, live DJin', food, body massage and Wombyn's as well as Men's only holistic health workshops.

There is a recurring theme in my life...and it reappeared as I entered the Wombyn's only: Womb Work (Earth) workshop in the Black Box Honfleur Gallery. I crossed the floor over to the stadium-style bleachers.  There were no less than 80 Women seated, standing, squatting, chatting excitedly. There was only one male in the room: the DJ who manipulated the wax. A beautiful Sistuh with waist-length, platinum, locked tresses shyly walked across the middle of the stage taking full ownership of time and space.  She dressed in simple black tee and leggings; silver links with charms adorned her ankles and feet. In an unassuming, sweet, raspy voice Mayasa Telfair welcomed us and without warning took us on a journey to our Kundalini Power.  

Sis. Mayasa exudes an weightlessness in her spirit that emanates joy.  Her humility and genuine joy is what captured my attention; it was infectious.  She talked to us about our powerful female energy, our power to create healing in our mind, bodies, and soul through our sexuality.  As she unfolded her wisdom on the "alchemy of ecstasy, sensual celebration, awakening and channeling sexual energy with yoni egg gemstones" connections flooded my consciousness.  Mayasa asked if anyone had ever experienced vaginal steaming.  The year I decided to leave Massachusetts I accepted an invitation to a women's womb health gathering followed by a vaginal steam gathering.  I brought my 10 year old daughter with me; it was one of the most empowering experiences I have ever had with as a Wombyn and Mother.  Standing there in the dark Gallery, I saw my path illuminated.

Stay tuned for Part II of How Do You Know You are Walking in Your Purpose...