Sunday, March 26, 2017
Part I: How Do You Know You Are Walking In Your Purpose?
February 4th I decided to get really honest with myself. I wrote about my greatest fears and desires. Thoughts are things; they are not meant to be ignored. Our thoughts are indicators of our state of being. How many times have you told yourself "Well, I can't control the thoughts that run through my head."? Yes, we can control the thoughts we entertain. We can think - on purpose.
I did not come to Washington DC to move further away from who I am but, to move in the direction of that which brings me closer to feeling free. And yet, I allowed myself to entertain fear, worry and doubt. Instead of focusing on creating experiences that felt good, I began focusing on conditioned thinking; this held me at a 'stand-still', physically and spiritually. The Universe however does not allow for waste so the contrast I experienced this past six months served great purpose.
I did everything I could to keep "my job". I began getting up at 4:00 amish to do yoga and prepare food so, that I could maintain my physical and mental health. The more I tried the more I resented having to go to work. As a result, I began doing everything I could at work to stay sane. I began listening to teachings on The Law of Attraction, Metaphysics and Alpha Binaural healing frequencies which serve to repair DNA and unlock higher frequencies in you. I was doing this everyday, almost all day. Nothing else held my attention or satisfied my curiosity. I played these frequencies even as my daughter and I slept. My fear diminished and my peace increased. Let me be clear: I still had anger fits, I still fell in and out of "why me" but, I caught myself faster. I became aware of my thoughts faster, even as I felt myself going "there." It is so important to acknowledge and then, celebrate our advances in our consciousness so, that we do not go inert or regress. We often do not acknowledge (much less celebrate) these types of advances because they are not tangibles IE: money, lover/life partner, weight loss, status, etc...but, these advances are what move us closer to the tangible manifestation of our desires, our vision for self.
I stopped believing I was at an disadvantage and began to see my advantage was in the contrast which was leading me closer to what felt good.
We can not get to happy from miserable. We can not get to abundance from ingratitude. We can not get to healing from a state of dis-ease. We can not get to Love from hate. We can not get to triumph from victimhood. I stopped believing I was at an disadvantage and began to see my advantage was in the contrast which was leading me closer to what felt good. This shift in thought, increased my momentum for actively receiving more good feeling opportunities. An awesome thing happened. I began having flashbacks of the happiest times in my life involved me using my intuition, insight or curiosity to create my reality to empower myself or someone else. This began when I was just a little girl. I pretended - creating my future. I laid on the tar roof top of our tenement building in the South Bronx and followed my curiosities.
I remembered freely boarding every airplane that flew above that tar roof top. I became a math teacher and wrote math problems on the hallway walls; taught an invisible class of students. My cousins, sisters and I pretended to be doctors, conducted physicals, prescribed remedies and healed patients. We circled up on the hallway floor and played the ‘What If’ game. The ‘What If’ game is the Spiritual Equivalent of bodybuilding. The stakes are high and there is no 'playing it safe'. We imagined the most outrageously difficult situations and offered our solutions. We asked ourselves: "What if you knew the world was ending? What would you do?" We invented Survivor. We were our own super heroes. At what point in life does it become not okay, to do this?
Then, there are seemingly insignificant memories of my cousin coming over and playing. I remember pretending to be her voice instructor, lol! My cousin could not sing, y'all...she has the raspiest voice ever. But, I made her sing her little heart out. Did she become a famous singer? No. The point is it felt amazing to coach her out of her shell. And that is the thread running through my original question: How do I know I am walking in my purpose; my calling? When I create experiences that feel really good.
There is a common and widely accepted misconception that our purpose looks like one repeated action which we have to work hard to perfect and attain recognition from others - not so. See yourself as a house with many rooms. We have so many skills and talents and when we execute them we feel good! When we do one good feeling action we activate another. As a result, we begin to reach higher levels of our consciousness. We begin to walk in our power to create.
In Part IV of Six Degrees of Separation I vividly recount my body's physical protest against the direction I was forcing myself to go. I received words of wisdom that everything would be alright. I healed. However with each passing month, I grew more and more claustrophobic at work. I felt guilty about resenting a highly coveted job with an excellent salary. Creative ways of collaborating internally and externally to generate business at work began to flood my consciousness. The more ideas I shared with my colleagues and management, the more inert their responses became. I began to mentally separate myself from my physical location at work.
I asked The Universe to help me let-go of the fear-based reality I had created and help me regain the courage to walk in the direction of my desires. Listening to an Esther Hicks teaching, I heard her say "Do not feel guilty about feeling miserable at work or, of daydreaming about where you would really like to be or, what you would really like to be doing. You are creating the reality you truly desire. Your feelings about what you do not want are necessary to help you know what you do want. By envisioning yourself doing what you do want to be doing, in the place you want to do it, you are calling it into being. When I heard this, I no longer felt like an ingrate. I felt a sense of confidence that everything was working out and I was moving in the right direction. I boldly moved towards visions that felt good.
I received an email from a sister friend inviting me to the The Black Love Experience "a conglomerate of artistry and inventiveness geared towards creatives, revolutionaries, kindred souls, and fearless visionaries celebrating ourselves under the canopy of all things Black." (Nubian Hueman, 2017). Immediately, I felt good envisioning the space and being in it. Everything I experienced on the evening of Feb. 18th led me back to me. As I entered the Anacostia Arts center that evening, I felt a deep deja vu. I was standing in an almost 20 year vision to cooperatively own and operate an arts-based higher learning center.
The Universe has all the answers, for our questions. The biggest question we all have is: Who am I?
Everywhere I looked; every room I entered in the Anacostia Arts Center felt good. There was so much to see, touch, smell and experience: visual artwork, artisan natural soaps, body oils, African-inspired hand-crafted jewelry, clothes, shoes, hair care, live music performances, live DJin', food, body massage and Wombyn's as well as Men's only holistic health workshops.
There is a recurring theme in my life...and it reappeared as I entered the Wombyn's only: Womb Work (Earth) workshop in the Black Box Honfleur Gallery. I crossed the floor over to the stadium-style bleachers. There were no less than 80 Women seated, standing, squatting, chatting excitedly. There was only one male in the room: the DJ who manipulated the wax. A beautiful Sistuh with waist-length, platinum, locked tresses shyly walked across the middle of the stage taking full ownership of time and space. She dressed in simple black tee and leggings; silver links with charms adorned her ankles and feet. In an unassuming, sweet, raspy voice Mayasa Telfair welcomed us and without warning took us on a journey to our Kundalini Power.
Sis. Mayasa exudes an weightlessness in her spirit that emanates joy. Her humility and genuine joy is what captured my attention; it was infectious. She talked to us about our powerful female energy, our power to create healing in our mind, bodies, and soul through our sexuality. As she unfolded her wisdom on the "alchemy of ecstasy, sensual celebration, awakening and channeling sexual energy with yoni egg gemstones" connections flooded my consciousness. Mayasa asked if anyone had ever experienced vaginal steaming. The year I decided to leave Massachusetts I accepted an invitation to a women's womb health gathering followed by a vaginal steam gathering. I brought my 10 year old daughter with me; it was one of the most empowering experiences I have ever had with as a Wombyn and Mother. Standing there in the dark Gallery, I saw my path illuminated.
Stay tuned for Part II of How Do You Know You are Walking in Your Purpose...
#AfroBoricuaLivinMyPassion
Sunday, February 26, 2017
Six Degrees of Separation Part IV
Wind cut corners on 7th street racing us every step towards Pennsylvania. Trash funneled into tiny tornadoes at our feet as Nani and I walked arm in arm laughing, talking and enjoying our new home...then, I felt her presence commanding me to stop.
A deeply hued, heavily robed silhouette sat on the wide side-ledge of the towering hotel on 7th Street near Gallery Place; completely undisturbed by the wind, the trash, the dark of night or, even the precarious nature of her circumstances. Two adjacent suitcases on either side, quilts wrapped tightly around her; she sat queen-esque. Never raising her gaze from the Black and White composition journal open on her lap. The swirl from her cigarette punctuated her thoughtful recline. She wrote.
Two White women walked up to the Sistuh on the ledge. "This is my friend," introducing the Sistuh to her friend. "Can I sit down next to you?" forcing the Sistuh to scoot over. "Aren't her journals beautiful?" one asked the other. The Sistuh appeared baffled by their oohs and aahs.
My body moved past her but, I might as well have been on a treadmill. I did not put any distance between us. I stopped and looked in my wallet. I saw a 20 dollar bill; it was all the cash I had on me. I took it out and balled it up in my hand.
I quietly walked up to the Sistuh. Bowing down to meet her eyes I softly asked "Excuse me Sis, may I share this with you?" extending my hand. I knew what I was giving her could never equal what in the speed of light, she gave me. Without words or warning, her spirit reinforced mine. The fearlessness she emanated reignited my courage; her undisturbed focus, emphasized my complacency.
"Thank you," she replied, surprising me with the sweet, sing-song of an endearing grandmother. She smiled and I saw myself in the onyx of her eyes.
"No Sis, thank you," I replied.
One of the women looked away pulling on a cigarette through her thin lips; the other spoke in a slow, loud high pitch the way kindergarten teachers speak to their students.
"We are in town for the Women's march," she announced proudly wearing an "I had an abortion and I've asked forgiveness for my sin" button.
"I just wanted to tell you that I respect you," I said squatting down to be eye-level. The woman's chatter disappeared into the background.
"Why are you thanking me?" the Sistuh asked me.
"Because, you are not a quitter; because you are here on this street, in this cold and, you are not asking for anything. You are courageous and strong and you are living - not surviving. " I confessed.
 |
| Ms. Lorraine Sparks displaced woman, mother and artist, January 2017. |
Her eyes softened. "I have also struggled. I have never actually slept on the street but, I was an emancipated minor in NYC. I know what it is to be alone; not have a real home. To not have family to take care of you." We had never physically met but, her eyes changed; she suddenly recognized me.
"I also write. You held me accountable to myself tonight. And, for that, I thank you."
Slowly, she nodded her head in acknowledgement.
 |
| Ms. Sparks beautiful Journals, Jan. 2017. |
"What is your name?" I asked the Sistuh.
"Lorraine," she said. My face lit up in a smile to hear her say such a beautiful name; it fit her perfectly.
"I'm Viviana," I said.
"Oh? You write?" asked the chatty lady sitting next to Lorraine.
"Yes, I do a blog," I said.
"Oh, what's it called?" she asked taking out a pen to write with.
"Breakin' The Afro-Boricua Yoke," I said while she tried to write it down.
Oblivious to her intrusion she stuck out her hand "I'm Mary."
"Viviana." I replied. Mary and I shook hands; her smile seemed genuine. Her friend looked away in honest disinterest.
Feeling intrusive, I bidd Ms. Lorraine good night and continued down 7th Street.
Nani and I walked down 7th toward Pennsylvania, quietly. The Street grew still as we walked back up 7th towards H Street. The hussle and bussle of the tourist, pedestrians and even traffic subsided.
And, then I saw her again, she was still sitting on the ledge. This time, her posture was different; sad. I just couldn't walk past her.
"Hello again," I said softly causing her to raise her gaze. I didn't know why but, I needed to understand why this obviously brilliant woman was alone; on the street; with nowhere to go and no one to go home to.
Treading lightly, I asked "Why are you out here all alone?" She could have snapped "None of your business". She could have ignored me; the same way people ignore her. But, she didn't.
"I don't want to be here. I got sick." she said pensively looking inwards.
"I used to have a job. I've always worked and I raised my child; I even put her through college," she reminisced with a heaviness.
Most don't bother to ask people on the street "Why?" There is a fear of being attacked, lied to or our kindness taken for weakness. People often warn "Be careful talking to the homeless. Some of them are mentally-ill, desperate, on drugs or diseased."
Standing there in the Sistuh's presence I did not feel any fear, of anything. I felt her beauty, her strength of character, her wisdom, her loneliness, her sorrow and the lack of rest in her eyes. I felt an overwhelming responsibility to an elder in the community.
"You have a child?" I asked relieved but appalled that they would allow their mother to be alone on the street.
"Yes, my daughter is married. I don't like her husband" intimating her daughter's choice was a rejection of her. Immediately, I understood more...more than medical issues or financial instability; family brokenness was at the root.
"You know, sometimes family don't want to take you in because of substance abuse. People who use will lie to you, steal from you and even harm or, kill you for drugs. But, I don't use. I just got sick and, one day my doctor told me " You can't work."
I understood her doctor's words must have sounded like a death sentence; she must have been terrified.
"So, where do you stay when it's very cold?" Sometimes I can go to the shelter but, it's not safe there. Sometimes I sleep in the entryway of a hotel or, when I have enough I get a room. I am working with an agency; they are helping me to get my own place."
"Oh, good which agency?" I asked.
"Pathways," she said.
"Pathways?" I asked grateful there was an organization dedicated to helping her.
"Yes, they are working with me to help me get my own place; they said it shouldn't be long now."
I felt so powerless knowing I could not be of more help. Then as if she had read my thoughts...
"Most people don't speak; they pretend not to see us. We are all human beings and, I try to remember that they are human just like me. A simple smile or, "Good morning, how are you today?" makes a huge difference."
I knew that I had done so much more. I showed Ms. Lorraine respect, concern and she shared her beautiful smile and life story with me. I learned she is a 58 year old mother of one and, an artist. Ms. Lorraine is a wood carver and a writer. This seemingly vulnerable stranger helped me; Ms. Lorraine held me accountable to myself.
Lorraine's presence held me captive and, asked "I see you, do you?"
In acknowledging her I said "I see you" to her but, also to me. Growing stronger and rooted, I understood our acquaintance was not about me helping her.
We [all] need each other regardless of our circumstances. We all pour into each other.
#AfroBoricuaLivinMyPassion
Stay tuned...
Saturday, February 4, 2017
Six Degrees of Separation Part III
We all have a calling; a purpose for which we travel this journey called life. We keep coming back..until we reach our highest ascension.
Life is moving quickly. Fifteen days after my last blog post, the Department of Employment Services (DOES) for The District, offered me a position as a Program Analyst in the Business Services Group (BSG). My job is to offer regional and local employers who are either headquartered or have offices in the district a suite of incentive programs and services to significantly reduce or eliminate the associated costs of recruiting and onboarding DC residents; especially residents with significant employment barriers.
The Thursday before my first Monday, on the job, I was struck with a stinging, burning sensitivity in my right breast. I had never felt (a) pain in my breasts - ever. Even the soft wireless bra I wore was like a thousand needles against the soft tissue surrounding my nipple. I called Dr. Ama, a beautiful sistuh who believes in healing the body through good nutritious food, natural herbs-based supplements and of course a healthy amount of exercise and meditation. I left an urgent voicemail. I was overcome with panic "Why is this happening, now?" I demanded angrily. A high fever consumed me and I barely slept. The next day, I carefully showered trying to avoid the shards of water on my breast. Every bump in the back of the Uber left me dazed with pain. By the time I reached Dr. Tyus' office, I wanted to fall on her exam table and go to sleep. I couldn't. The cozy, dimly lit living room style waiting area was occupied by five patients; more than I had ever seen. I sat in the only chair left. I might have been sitting on a perfect row of sharp nails. Instinctively, my body rocked back and forth.
Finally, it was my turn to be seen. I was afraid. I tried to ignore the question looming over my thoughts. Dr. Tyus came out with her usual warm, bright-eyed smile "Hi, Viviana!" she began and then her eyes grasped the perse, in my lips and fear in my eyes. She put her arm around me "come on in" and escorted me into her exam room. I couldn't wait to take off my bra and alleviate the sting in my right breast. I felt drained, by the pain radiating from my breast like a sonar attack on my body.
Dr. Tyus looked at me and asked the most unexpected question. "Tell me what's been going on the last couple of days, emotionally."
While the question caught me off guard; the answer came at the speed of light.
"I start my new job on Monday," I confessed. "Even though I am excited and extremely grateful for the job; I feel guilty."
"Why do you feel guilty?" she asked.
"Because, I won't be able to be as involved with Nani (my 12 year old). I will be gone the entire day; she'll have to get to and from Coop by herself and she'll spend a lot of time alone," my voice cracked. Because we homeschool and we are new to DC, I worry Nani is spending too much time alone - as it is. Now, I'll be gone all day, every day of the week; she'll have to navigate the city all alone. The more nervous I am about her navigating alone on a daily basis; the harder I am on her to do everything exactly as I instruct her. I am being too hard on her. I am afraid perhaps she needs to be in a school everyday with other kids her age. Instead, she is home alone navigating curriculum three days a week. With the exception of Tuesdays and Fridays when she is at Sligo Creek Coop and Sankofa Homeschool Collective all day, she will be all alone during the day, until I get home from work. I am afraid I am failing, as a mother just so I can succeed as a provider."
But there was more...
"This is not my life's work. I am a writer, a novelist, a truth-teller; a deep thinker, time-traveler. I want to travel the world and write novels about Afro-Caribbean-descent freedom-fighters who's African Spirituality sparked and sustained independence struggles against slavery and the imperialistic premise of capitalism. I want to work in my community and empower my people," I revealed feeling completely naked.
Fear of betraying my calling had taken over my mind and swelled deep inside me.
"But, I have to be responsible and take care of my daughter, put a roof over our heads, food on the table and clothes on our backs. I feel like I am walking away from - me," I admitted feeling very selfish.
"Does Nani want to go back to school?" Dr. Tyus asked me.
"No, I've asked her many times," I answered.
Viviana, you have to stop being so hard on yourself. You are a single mother and your daughter's father passed on. You are a wonderful mother to your daughter and, you are doing what is right for your family - by homeschooling her.
Nani is strong like you...
Take it step by step. Make adjustments as needed. Everything will be alright."
From the time Nani was in my womb, I read to her. Reading books together started as a simple bedtime ritual; it helped settle her for sleep. Nani loved my reading to her so much that she would ask me to do it in the middle of the day. I soon learned our reading together didn't just benefit Nani. I enjoyed it so much I became the characters in the story and created voices for them. I was releasing my stresses and worries. Reading Nani's books to her expanded both of our creative and physical realities. At times, I laughed so hard tears rolled down my cheeks.
Art has always been a very important part of our lives. I always made sure Nani had creative outlets at home. When television went digital, I said "bye, bye" to local channels and, I developed quite the extensive library of books and DVDs. I purchased seasons of the Cosby show, A different World, Atlantis; movies and quality series we were both entertained and educated by. But, most of Nani's day was spent playing, reading and just being a kid. We had crayons, coloring paper, construction paper, lots of colorful wood blocks, glue, glitter, water colors, acrylic paint and canvasses. We would get on the floor and just have fun painting. I taught Nani how to use the blow dryer to layer colors on her canvas.
When Nani was Nine years old, I bought her her first baby sewing machine. The sewing machine was fire-engine red and plastic. A simple little unit with a few moving parts. Nani immersed herself in the folded little manual for the entire morning, that December 25th. The machine never quite worked right so, Nani spent hour after hour trying to make it work. In discovering the different parts of the machine and how they worked together, Nani tapped into different parts of her brain; she was never the same. This is homeschooling; many of us do it without even knowing it. The only difference is homeschoolers do it, intentionally - all the time.
The tiny fire-engine red sewing machine is a testament to Nani's growth and mine - as a mother.
Dr. Tyus examined my right breast; it was feverish, red and my nipple was hard like a dried up prune. I was terrified.
"Okay, you can dress," she said.
"Viviana, by nature, our left side is the side we nurture from and the right side is where we do most of our authoritative actions. Because you are a single mother and Nani's father has passed on, you bear all of the responsibilities, all of the time. Understandably, you feel you always have to be in authoritative mode. But, being responsible (making decisions) does not mean we are in control of the results. Always being in control or, authoritative mode has caused an imbalance and is being reflected in your right breast. We all make mistakes so, please give yourself grace and you won't worry so much or, be so hard on yourself and Nani."
Dr.Tyus' words lingered in my head...everything would work out somehow - it always has.
On nights when I stayed in the office til 7:00 PM Sitar Arts Center stepped in and met our greatest family needs; they have been my co-parent fleshing out my vision for what I knew she needed and deserved to have. Every night, Nani took (and is still taking) a different art class during the afternoon to evening: Fashion Drawing, Pottery, Jewelry Design, Stage Makeup Design and a teen leadership class called S.E.A.L. Because Ms. Lorraine Robinson Senior Director of Programs and Ms. Loretta Thompson, Senior Director of Operations walk in their calling and purpose, my daughter and I are walking in ours. Every staff member from custodial to senior leadership, has enriched our lives in seen and unseen ways. The Sitar family has helped our family grow bigger and stronger.
In the first week of December, Sitar, parents were invited to attend an student art exhibit/showcase. I was able to meet all the wonderful instructors who volunteer their time and talents to teach the students. The theatre students RaSeph and Sia Flood-Wright performed a play; both fellow Sankofa homeschoolers and friends of Nani. After the play, there was an impromptu award ceremony (I don't think parents were informed about it). I heard my daughter's name being called from the stage.
"We would like to give the Outstanding Leadership award to Naa Anyele Sowah-de Jesus."
My daughter was asked to step up to the stage and was given a trophy for leadership (I still get choked up about it).
Dr. Tyus' words, "Nani is strong like you. Everything will be okay," prophetically footnoted the evening of December 5th 2016.
As Program Analyst in the DOES our work to service employers in the District of Columbia, Virginia and Maryland (DMV) aligns with the District's Unified State Plan and the Workforce Investment Council's proposed five high-demand sectors: Construction, Hospitality, IT, Business Administration and Health Care. At the outset of my job, I was being groomed for the construction sector. After three months, leadership 'shuffled the deck' again, and there were sector realignments. I was assigned to the healthcare sector. As a homeschooler, I am anti-vaccinations, anti-drug prescriptions (unless there is a justifiable reason) and anti-quick fix. Needless to say, I was worried. My work, requires me to become somewhat of a subject matter expert on my assigned sector(s). As a result, I am learning a lot about what is wrong with our healthcare system on the workforce development side and the work stakeholders are doing to push for major improvements. Clearly, the healthcare industry is doing some things right. I have an wonderful primary care physician who is an African-American woman not yet in her late 40's who runs her own practice however I have been actively searching for a doctor like her for over 10 years and, she is a needle in a haystack.
According to the Greater Washington Workforce Collaborative, healthcare professionals report the healthcare landscape is difficult for career seekers to navigate and that they would have benefited from career coaching to better understand the range of job opportunities, training options, and career pathways available to them. So, if it is difficult for healthcare career seekers to navigate the healthcare landscape how difficult then, is it for the general public, patients?
Every day I ride two buses to commute from the North West side of the District to the North East. My halfway point is Chinatown. Chinatown is a bittersweet place to visit. Steel wool blankets line the entry ways and alleys of H and 7th Streets. No matter how busy (in my head) I am, I can never be undisturbed by the homelessness, mental illness and economic disparity evidenced by the many older and, young African American men and women who are seemingly holding on by a thin, splintering thread - it is dehumanizing. When I first arrived to The District last March (2016) I was approached by young, able-bodied Brothers for money to get on the Metro. For a few months, I gave of whatever little I had. Then, as time passed, I was not so inclined to give because I felt there was a sense of entitlement, a demand more than a request. I also registered a giving up on their own ability to help themselves however there are many who are living on the streets or, under the federal poverty line who have not given up; they are fighting for their lives.
One evening I got off the X9 on H and 7th Streets feeling completely drained by my day. I was mentally reviewing my list of "If only I could...I would be..." I was feeling sorry for myself; maybe even disappointed in myself because I am not writing as prolifically as I want to. Then, I got off the bus and was snapped into another reality. I heard a beautiful, melodious, voice singing.
"Is there a free concert going on?" I asked. The voice I heard reverberated over a microphone and sound system echoing throughout the entire H and 7th Street intersection and its perimeter. I crossed H Street over to the 7th Street side. There was a crowd gathered; some were recording on their phones and others were just swaying to the song being sung by a young Sistuh. The 20 something year old African American female sat on a stool while she played her acoustic guitar; she had a professional sound system: headset microphone, amplifier and speaker. The young girl wore a winter skully with the dangling strings, sweatshirt, sweatpants and sneakers; she was a beautiful dark mocha complexion and her focus was not on the crowd; she was soaring way above the crowd like a kite in the wind. I was overtaken. I was standing in the presence of pure joy and it was infectious. I couldn't stop smiling and feeling a sense of pride. Yes, I proud to be in the presence of this fearless spirit. To (my) left on the ground was a sign; it read: Vanny's Music. Vanessa held the crowd in the palm of her hand; everyone was mesmerized. Vanessa sparked a flame of pride, of hope, of purpose; she held me accountable to my dreams. I dropped five dollars in her bucket; she poured life in mine. If you would like to see a video of her please cut and paste the link below into your browser. In this video Vanny is joined by a friend; they sing beautifully together.
https://www.facebook.com/viviana.dejesus.528/videos/1789756614608024/
That evening as I stood at the intersection of H & 7th Street; truth spoke to me in a melodious voice: "What's your excuse? Why aren't you writing? What are you waiting for?" When you are in the presence of fearlessness; you either receive it or, lie to yourself. I received it; that's why I felt so much joy. I knew if that young lady could pour her heart out in front of a mass of strangers; I could too. H and 7th Street is truly an intersection of truths for many. Some chose to lie to themselves while others, hold themselves accountable - like Vanessa.
Two Saturdays ago, I woke up to a laundry list of tasks to accomplish: pick up an application for an apartment, handle some banking and finally, register my daughter for summer camp. We finished all of our errands. Nani and I were starving. I took her to an Ethiopian spot in Columbia Heights off of 14th Street - Letena. We had a meat sampler of spicy, curried meats, lentils, cabbage n carrots and Ngera (an East African 100% gluten-free sourdough risen flat bread). I knew Nani had been wanting to hang out in Chinatown; I decided that is what we would do for the rest of the evening. We made one more quick stop at Five n Below for some ear buds she wanted and then hopped on the Georgia Avenue bus downtown to Gallery Place/China Town. Knowing what was awaiting us, I was really excited to share the experience with my daughter.
Nani wanted to go into the retail stores and check out the clothes, shoes; regular girl stuff. I wanted to people watch. We did both. What I love about Chinatown is that like New York City it still has street front boutiques and stores, right on the ave. I hate malls. But, the Chinatown mall plaza is quite small and maintains its original retro architecture with a wide, royal red carpeted stairwell accented with brass that brings you to the second floor with two restaurants and lead up to the third floor where the Regal Cinema is. Once back out on the 7th street Nani wanted to go further down 7th towards Pennsylvania Avenue. We talked, laughed and enjoyed looking at the different restaurants, stores, hotels and people. It was cold so, we were walking arm in arm. Then something caught my eye; my third eye.
Stay tuned for Part IV of Six Degrees of Separation...
#AfroBoricuaLivinMyPassion
Sunday, September 4, 2016
For Eagles Only...Rebirth at 40
Up until five months ago, I was stuck in my story. I told myself, I was playing it safe for the sake of providing my daughter the one thing I never felt as a child - stability. Last year the Universe jolted me with the truth - I have the power to create my story. At 40 years of age, a window (of time and space) opened up for my rebirth...
One Sunday afternoon my phone dinged with a "Whats App" message. Daddy, as I affectionately call my daughter's grandfather who lives in Ghana (West, Africa), sent me a morning affirmation. The message was a video of the eagle's rebirth at 40. It watered a seed deep inside of me; one that was in danger of drying up completely.
"The eagle has the longest life-span of it's species. It can live up to 70 years but, to reach this age, the eagle has to make a life or, death decision. In it's 40's, the eagle's long and flexible talons can no longer grab prey which serves as food. It's long and sharp beak becomes bent. It's old-aged and heavy wings, due to their thick feathers, become stuck to it's chest and make it hard to fly. Then, the eagle is left with only two options: die or, go through a painful process of change which lasts 150 days.
The process requires that the eagle fly to a secluded mountain top and sit on its nest. There, the eagle knocks its beak against a rock until it plucks it out. After plucking it out, the eagle will wait for a new beak to grow back and then, it will pluck out its talons. When its new talons grow back, the eagle starts plucking its old-aged feathers. And, after five months, the eagle takes its famous flight of rebirth and lives for 30 more years."
Some say, this story is a complete myth. Even if this is just a story and eagles can't really regrow their physical body parts; truth like beauty is in the mind of the storyteller. For me, at least, the eagle's story of rebirth at 40 years of age held me completely captive with its absolute parallel to my life, at the exact age of 40.
Unbeknownst to anyone, even myself - I was about to make a life or, death decision. Daddy Theo's video message stirred the anxiety in me so much so it forced my courage, by combustion. I realized my talons were failing me. Somehow my hands could not grab nor feet take me to my purpose. I could not feed my soul. I had stopped challenging myself along time ago. Why? I was backing away from the unknown; ceding to ordinary familiar stories I memorized from people in my life who gave into their fears rather than, reach their greatness. Therefore, all I could grab were lies and excuses; a slow but certain death.
P.A.I.N: Pay Attention Inward Now
Iyanla Vanzant, 2016 Oprah Lifeclass Tour, OWN Network
With my words (beak) bent out of shape I was unable to call or name my truth. I was afraid to fail at reaching my highest potential. I was in serious pain but, I would not look inward. Instead, I externalized my descend by telling myself "well, maybe if I had this job and made this much money and could afford to live in this type of house and educate my daughter in this type of school, maybe if we lived in this neighborhood...maybe if I had this kind of mother, father, sister, brother, cousins, man or even these kinds of friends," I would be happy. I was in a vicious cycle of self-fulfilling prophecy because what you speak is what you actualize. In saying I didn't have what I needed to grow in my life I was perpetuating it. I was handing my power over to external variables and, this could not lead me to be self-empowered.
I had a head-on collision with my truth but, it was not like winning the lotto. I didn't jump up and down screaming "I know the truth! I know the truth! I'm free!" No. My truth caused me (to) Pay Attention Inside Now. Truth came in my stillness so I was able to hear the quiet but, clear voice. Only in the stillness of my truth was I able to hear my courage say "I have been here long enough. I am ready for my next phase; my journey to my true purpose." My thoughts were crystal clear about what needed to be my next step but, that's all I had - one step. You see, that is the secret, magical moment many of us pass up - taking the first step or, believing. Believing is that pivotal moment when you decide to put your thought into unwavering action. For the first time, I looked at the aesthetic of our home and thought "this is luggage; it's weighing us down." I thought of all the people I knew of or had a relationship with, and thought "they are not responsible for nor able to provide what I need, right now." I knew my will was all I needed to move forward.
Once I spoke my truth the Universe made way, after way, after way, for us. I called my sister-friend Patrice, in North Carolina. I did not want to put my daughter through undue stress and thought it prudent to have a contingency plan but, the Universe showed me I was only unbelieving. I was so determined to sell everything I could to fund my travel, I put most of my furniture up for sale on Craigslist. When the furniture didn't sell right away, I decided to post pictures on my facebook feed. On the first day, one person bought about $700.00 dollars worth of my personal belongings; it was like getting a head-nod from the Universe. Then one evening, Jacquie a woman whose home I was invited to a year and a half before for what she and her husband Warren call a "talking circle" reached out to me via facebook about my furniture.
Jacquie and her husband live on about 2.5 acres of beautiful farmland in Hadley, Massachusetts. Bunny rabbits literally run around her front yard. Apple trees frame their backyard which faces about two acres of corn fields. The sunsets are stunning. Jacquie inquired about a few of my items for sale and we agreed on a price. But, Jacquie then did something no one else had done.
"You are taking on a lot Viviana. How are you doing? Do you have a place to stay in DC?" Jacquie asked. The truth was I did not have a job or my own place waiting for me, in DC.
"I'm holding up. And, no, we don't. I've been applying for jobs for a few months now and I've made an excellent connection with another African-centered homeschooling mother. I'm waiting to hear back from some folks about a house-share." I replied.
I had no leads on a place to stay in DC but, I refused to affirm that. I told her what I believed.
"All will be well," I assured (myself).
A few evenings later, Jacquie called again to inquire if I had found a place to stay in DC yet. I had not found a place to stay. More importantly, I couldn't move until I raised enough funds to pay for travel and lodging expenses and I didn't want to pay for another month of rent. I was so stressed, I could barely sleep.
"No, Jacquie we still haven't heard back about a place to stay."
"Well, Viviana I have an extra bedroom if you would like to stay for a few days. You and Nani could rest before you leave to DC."
I was stunned. Not only was Jacquie purchasing some of my furniture but, was also now offering to be a reprieve for my daughter and I while we made our seemingly sudden and poorly planned transition. So often, in life, events appear random when in fact, they are carefully orchestrated by the Universe to further our purpose. My daughter and I stayed with Jacquie and Warren for about a month and a half. Jacquie also allowed me to store some of my personal belongings and major pieces of furniture in her basement so, I could sell them before I left. My stay with Jacquie was an amazing blessing and incredibly difficult for me. I was grieving and did not know it. I was grieving the loss of my false pride. I could no longer stand in my facade of total independence. I could no longer ignore that I could not do things alone; I needed help. I had to ask for help and then actually, accept it; this was and still is the hardest part of my journey.
I have learned those of us who were raised in financially distressed and broken relationships are not afraid of rock bottom or working hard just to pay bills (which I consider to be mediocrity). What frightens us the most is failing at our own greatness. I was afraid of putting everything on the line for the dream I had as a teenager to be "a writer" because then, I would have nothing left - not even my dream. My truth severed me from all the false physical and mental attachments which kept me distracted from seeing I was the one holding myself back from greatness. I felt completely vulnerable and naked in this truth.
Have you ever had a nightmare you are completely naked around strangers?
Looking back, I was able to see how we both might of felt vulnerable. I learned Jacquie's story and mine were not so different, at the core. In the common core of our experience with our mothers, siblings and conviction to pursue our highest self as wombyn and spiritual beings, we sowed seeds of fellowship and an earnest appreciation for each other's life journeys. From conflict came compassion which helped us to overcome our vulnerabilities our nakedness our fear of judgement and perhaps even the shame of our shortcomings. I believe we both grew stronger towards our purpose.
Every week that passed without word about a lead on a house-share in DC forced me to muster more courage. I had to literally block out the physical reality and just focus on my vision; these are the moments your brain experiences rapid growth. I was nervous and scared but, I realized how just speaking my truth changed my whole view of myself and what I was capable of. I was more afraid of falling back into the powerlessness and that alone forced me to keep moving afraid. I had no guarantee of what was really waiting for us once we arrived to Washington, DC. I simply kept believing in the vision I wrote to the Sankofa Homeschool Collective. More than three months passed, no one responded. Here's the thing, I did not even think of giving up. Step two came to me crystal clear. On my way to Knightdale, we would stop in DC just for 3 days, to show Nani where I've wanted us to live for the past 13 years. Nani and I began looking at Air BnB. Nani's excitement about our move was so important - it kept me motivated when the facts loomed over my truth.
We arrived in DC on March 9th 2016. This peak; this solace; this rebirth is not for the faint of heart. I have been put to the test by the circumstances and also by my own tendency to revert to old ways. Just because you have a revelation doesn't mean you immediately start to grow out of all your inhibitions...no, it's just the beginning. I arrived to my nest of rebirth and almost immediately without much rest, the real work began. Telling myself a new story every time someone underestimated me, judged or disregarded me. Telling myself a new story every time my house mate and I clash or misunderstand one another. Telling myself a new story when the actions of others are hurtful, toxic or destructive of self and community even when the actions were mine. Telling myself a new story instead of justifying my right to retaliate when a member of my community's words towards me bruised, violated and damaged our trust and our sisterhood. Telling myself a new story - of forgiveness.
This week my daughter and I were talking and reminiscing about our journey. I read the valentine day card I bought her last February while we were still at Jacquies. Amongst a host of "mushy" things I wrote was the following "This is our life; we get to dream it and make it come true!" And, I drew a picture of our journey.
As I held the card up for the both of us to admire Nani points to North Carolina and says "Mommy, we took a short cut!" I didn't understand what she meant and my puzzled face reinforced it. "We never had to go to North Carolina," she explained. Again, our human frailty fails to see all that the Universe, has orchestrated.
Last week, I began to feel a dense nudge in my spirit to "write, write, write. Don't succumb to your fear of failure; pour your heart out."
I've cried writing this piece. I've also rejoiced because in the middle of writing this the Universe revealed that I am exactly where I'm suppose to be, right now.
I have promised myself the following...
I will not back away from my pain because it is my spiritual alarm telling me to
Pay Attention Inward Now.
I will do the work of plucking out old, destructive language patterns.
I will decide to see my truth; my story.
I will rid myself of negative old behaviors that weigh me down and don't allow me to spread my wings.
I will live in my new story.
I will soar.
For those of you who don't believe in the eagle's rebirth at 40....In the middle of writing this I was led to do something I felt was very random. I divided 150 by 30 (or a month).
I am in my fifth month, in DC or, 150 days.
#AfroBoricuaLivinMyPassion
One Sunday afternoon my phone dinged with a "Whats App" message. Daddy, as I affectionately call my daughter's grandfather who lives in Ghana (West, Africa), sent me a morning affirmation. The message was a video of the eagle's rebirth at 40. It watered a seed deep inside of me; one that was in danger of drying up completely.
"The eagle has the longest life-span of it's species. It can live up to 70 years but, to reach this age, the eagle has to make a life or, death decision. In it's 40's, the eagle's long and flexible talons can no longer grab prey which serves as food. It's long and sharp beak becomes bent. It's old-aged and heavy wings, due to their thick feathers, become stuck to it's chest and make it hard to fly. Then, the eagle is left with only two options: die or, go through a painful process of change which lasts 150 days.
The process requires that the eagle fly to a secluded mountain top and sit on its nest. There, the eagle knocks its beak against a rock until it plucks it out. After plucking it out, the eagle will wait for a new beak to grow back and then, it will pluck out its talons. When its new talons grow back, the eagle starts plucking its old-aged feathers. And, after five months, the eagle takes its famous flight of rebirth and lives for 30 more years."
Some say, this story is a complete myth. Even if this is just a story and eagles can't really regrow their physical body parts; truth like beauty is in the mind of the storyteller. For me, at least, the eagle's story of rebirth at 40 years of age held me completely captive with its absolute parallel to my life, at the exact age of 40.
Unbeknownst to anyone, even myself - I was about to make a life or, death decision. Daddy Theo's video message stirred the anxiety in me so much so it forced my courage, by combustion. I realized my talons were failing me. Somehow my hands could not grab nor feet take me to my purpose. I could not feed my soul. I had stopped challenging myself along time ago. Why? I was backing away from the unknown; ceding to ordinary familiar stories I memorized from people in my life who gave into their fears rather than, reach their greatness. Therefore, all I could grab were lies and excuses; a slow but certain death.
P.A.I.N: Pay Attention Inward Now
Iyanla Vanzant, 2016 Oprah Lifeclass Tour, OWN Network
With my words (beak) bent out of shape I was unable to call or name my truth. I was afraid to fail at reaching my highest potential. I was in serious pain but, I would not look inward. Instead, I externalized my descend by telling myself "well, maybe if I had this job and made this much money and could afford to live in this type of house and educate my daughter in this type of school, maybe if we lived in this neighborhood...maybe if I had this kind of mother, father, sister, brother, cousins, man or even these kinds of friends," I would be happy. I was in a vicious cycle of self-fulfilling prophecy because what you speak is what you actualize. In saying I didn't have what I needed to grow in my life I was perpetuating it. I was handing my power over to external variables and, this could not lead me to be self-empowered.
I had a head-on collision with my truth but, it was not like winning the lotto. I didn't jump up and down screaming "I know the truth! I know the truth! I'm free!" No. My truth caused me (to) Pay Attention Inside Now. Truth came in my stillness so I was able to hear the quiet but, clear voice. Only in the stillness of my truth was I able to hear my courage say "I have been here long enough. I am ready for my next phase; my journey to my true purpose." My thoughts were crystal clear about what needed to be my next step but, that's all I had - one step. You see, that is the secret, magical moment many of us pass up - taking the first step or, believing. Believing is that pivotal moment when you decide to put your thought into unwavering action. For the first time, I looked at the aesthetic of our home and thought "this is luggage; it's weighing us down." I thought of all the people I knew of or had a relationship with, and thought "they are not responsible for nor able to provide what I need, right now." I knew my will was all I needed to move forward.
Once I spoke my truth the Universe made way, after way, after way, for us. I called my sister-friend Patrice, in North Carolina. I did not want to put my daughter through undue stress and thought it prudent to have a contingency plan but, the Universe showed me I was only unbelieving. I was so determined to sell everything I could to fund my travel, I put most of my furniture up for sale on Craigslist. When the furniture didn't sell right away, I decided to post pictures on my facebook feed. On the first day, one person bought about $700.00 dollars worth of my personal belongings; it was like getting a head-nod from the Universe. Then one evening, Jacquie a woman whose home I was invited to a year and a half before for what she and her husband Warren call a "talking circle" reached out to me via facebook about my furniture.
Jacquie and her husband live on about 2.5 acres of beautiful farmland in Hadley, Massachusetts. Bunny rabbits literally run around her front yard. Apple trees frame their backyard which faces about two acres of corn fields. The sunsets are stunning. Jacquie inquired about a few of my items for sale and we agreed on a price. But, Jacquie then did something no one else had done.
"You are taking on a lot Viviana. How are you doing? Do you have a place to stay in DC?" Jacquie asked. The truth was I did not have a job or my own place waiting for me, in DC.
"I'm holding up. And, no, we don't. I've been applying for jobs for a few months now and I've made an excellent connection with another African-centered homeschooling mother. I'm waiting to hear back from some folks about a house-share." I replied.
I had no leads on a place to stay in DC but, I refused to affirm that. I told her what I believed.
"All will be well," I assured (myself).
A few evenings later, Jacquie called again to inquire if I had found a place to stay in DC yet. I had not found a place to stay. More importantly, I couldn't move until I raised enough funds to pay for travel and lodging expenses and I didn't want to pay for another month of rent. I was so stressed, I could barely sleep.
"No, Jacquie we still haven't heard back about a place to stay."
"Well, Viviana I have an extra bedroom if you would like to stay for a few days. You and Nani could rest before you leave to DC."
I was stunned. Not only was Jacquie purchasing some of my furniture but, was also now offering to be a reprieve for my daughter and I while we made our seemingly sudden and poorly planned transition. So often, in life, events appear random when in fact, they are carefully orchestrated by the Universe to further our purpose. My daughter and I stayed with Jacquie and Warren for about a month and a half. Jacquie also allowed me to store some of my personal belongings and major pieces of furniture in her basement so, I could sell them before I left. My stay with Jacquie was an amazing blessing and incredibly difficult for me. I was grieving and did not know it. I was grieving the loss of my false pride. I could no longer stand in my facade of total independence. I could no longer ignore that I could not do things alone; I needed help. I had to ask for help and then actually, accept it; this was and still is the hardest part of my journey.
I have learned those of us who were raised in financially distressed and broken relationships are not afraid of rock bottom or working hard just to pay bills (which I consider to be mediocrity). What frightens us the most is failing at our own greatness. I was afraid of putting everything on the line for the dream I had as a teenager to be "a writer" because then, I would have nothing left - not even my dream. My truth severed me from all the false physical and mental attachments which kept me distracted from seeing I was the one holding myself back from greatness. I felt completely vulnerable and naked in this truth.
Have you ever had a nightmare you are completely naked around strangers?
Looking back, I was able to see how we both might of felt vulnerable. I learned Jacquie's story and mine were not so different, at the core. In the common core of our experience with our mothers, siblings and conviction to pursue our highest self as wombyn and spiritual beings, we sowed seeds of fellowship and an earnest appreciation for each other's life journeys. From conflict came compassion which helped us to overcome our vulnerabilities our nakedness our fear of judgement and perhaps even the shame of our shortcomings. I believe we both grew stronger towards our purpose.
Every week that passed without word about a lead on a house-share in DC forced me to muster more courage. I had to literally block out the physical reality and just focus on my vision; these are the moments your brain experiences rapid growth. I was nervous and scared but, I realized how just speaking my truth changed my whole view of myself and what I was capable of. I was more afraid of falling back into the powerlessness and that alone forced me to keep moving afraid. I had no guarantee of what was really waiting for us once we arrived to Washington, DC. I simply kept believing in the vision I wrote to the Sankofa Homeschool Collective. More than three months passed, no one responded. Here's the thing, I did not even think of giving up. Step two came to me crystal clear. On my way to Knightdale, we would stop in DC just for 3 days, to show Nani where I've wanted us to live for the past 13 years. Nani and I began looking at Air BnB. Nani's excitement about our move was so important - it kept me motivated when the facts loomed over my truth.
We arrived in DC on March 9th 2016. This peak; this solace; this rebirth is not for the faint of heart. I have been put to the test by the circumstances and also by my own tendency to revert to old ways. Just because you have a revelation doesn't mean you immediately start to grow out of all your inhibitions...no, it's just the beginning. I arrived to my nest of rebirth and almost immediately without much rest, the real work began. Telling myself a new story every time someone underestimated me, judged or disregarded me. Telling myself a new story every time my house mate and I clash or misunderstand one another. Telling myself a new story when the actions of others are hurtful, toxic or destructive of self and community even when the actions were mine. Telling myself a new story instead of justifying my right to retaliate when a member of my community's words towards me bruised, violated and damaged our trust and our sisterhood. Telling myself a new story - of forgiveness.
This week my daughter and I were talking and reminiscing about our journey. I read the valentine day card I bought her last February while we were still at Jacquies. Amongst a host of "mushy" things I wrote was the following "This is our life; we get to dream it and make it come true!" And, I drew a picture of our journey.
 |
| From top left to bottom left: We are leaving Holyoke, MA to Hadley, MA followed by North Carolina and finally, Washington, DC. We don't have to be perfect for our children; we have to be brave in our vulnerability - No shame in my art. |
Last week, I began to feel a dense nudge in my spirit to "write, write, write. Don't succumb to your fear of failure; pour your heart out."
I've cried writing this piece. I've also rejoiced because in the middle of writing this the Universe revealed that I am exactly where I'm suppose to be, right now.
I have promised myself the following...
I will not back away from my pain because it is my spiritual alarm telling me to
Pay Attention Inward Now.
I will do the work of plucking out old, destructive language patterns.
I will decide to see my truth; my story.
I will rid myself of negative old behaviors that weigh me down and don't allow me to spread my wings.
I will live in my new story.
I will soar.
For those of you who don't believe in the eagle's rebirth at 40....In the middle of writing this I was led to do something I felt was very random. I divided 150 by 30 (or a month).
I am in my fifth month, in DC or, 150 days.
#AfroBoricuaLivinMyPassion
Sunday, May 15, 2016
Connecting Cultural Landscapes Through Art
Why are the fine arts so important to our learning and lives?
Sound, vibrant color, texture and themes further our self development and connect us to each other. Photographers, jewelry makers, fashionistas, singers, interior designers, film makers, dancers, sculptors, turntablist and boutique owners connect our life stories...resulting in a greater sense of belonging - to each other.
Our Arts Journey this Saturday began at a quaint boutique NVIME nestled on 34th Street right across from the Adinkra Cultural Arts Studios in Mount Rainier where our Sankofa Homeschool Collective meets on Fridays from 9am to 2:45pm. Brother Glandus Thorne one part of the family owned business proudly shares his family's humble beginnings "I remember when we weren't able to afford to purchase this property" where they now successfully retail couture art, custom, hand-made unique accessories and clothing. Bro. Glandus recounts how he built the boutique with his own hands "This space was too small so, I had to knock out the bathroom and reconfigure it to make room for our vision." The chic and elegant showroom features refurbished vintage furniture pieces which serve as displays. Bro. Glandus does more than just provide a new shopping gem on 34th Street in Mount Rainier, he inspires others to be confident and push past seemingly impenetrable walls.
Next we ventured across the road to the Gateway Open Studios Artist Incubator building where artist lofts serve as residences and working studios. I made a new acquaintance and community neighbor, Mount Rainier Artist Lofts resident and artist Nicole Moore. Ms. Moore's versatile creations include one-of-a-kind jewelry pieces and handbags as well as two-dimensional artwork. But what I most remember about Sis. Nicole was how important her grandmother was in shaping the artist and woman she is today and, her grandmother's love and wisdom weaves through every one of her art pieces. Affectionately known as Moe Moe, she utilizes sterling silver, fine silver, semi-precious stones, wood, leather, crystals and shells in her art pieces. These semi-precious stones are not only appealing to the eye; they are used for their healing properties as well.
Just down the corridor we met yet another neighbor...Bro. Jeremy Mines is a Multimedia Producer with a diverse career in film making and photography. Founder of Jeremy Mines Films LLC since January 2010, Bro. Jeremy is a Producer, Director, Cinematographer and Video Editor. Such a talented artist yet his humble, soft-spoken, easy-to-laugh spirit made this "giant-in-the-making" easy to identify with. We learned Bro. Jeremy was home schooled, is father to a three year old and works with youth in the College Bound program. Here's to future collaborations with Bro. Jeremy and the dynamic families at the Sankofa homeschool collective!
Next up, Sis. Alison Carney. This singer, songwriter, fashion designer, and educator is truly a "Jackie" of all trades. In one corner of Alison's showroom loft DJ GUDO (also a producer and musician) cut, looped and mixed a juicy musical cocktail of beats that spilled out onto a maze of long-stemmed roses welcoming us into Alison's Wonderland...yeah she's what we 'ol school heads call "dope". Check out her newest album: AlisonWonderland Here's a quick video of our experience.
Walking down the corridor of Gateway, I felt a stronger sense of familiarity not just with the streets I've been traveling to and fro' (WDC) for almost two months now, but with the people and families who live, work, play and create in Mount Rainier. On my way to the Adinkra Cultural Arts Studios' 4:30 drumming performance I was greeted by Anne L'Ecuyer, Founder and Phase 3 Project Director at Art Lives Here. Before I realized it, Anne was sharing information about summer arts camps for Nani who is a budding visual artist and fashion designer. Notwithstanding Anne's extensive arts management portfolio which, includes everything from published research scholarship on funding and development in the arts to teaching at American University and her work with Americans for the Arts, Anne's demeanor was personable and warm. I parted knowing I would be returning to Gateway City Open Studios to learn how I can contribute to the work resurrecting desolate spaces in our new home - The DMV.
The Adinkra Cultural Arts Studios (ACAS) located at 3804 34th Street, Mount Rainier, MD is The hub for African-centered mind-body-soul well-being and living. Because of ACAS the Sankofa Homeschool Collective and Little Genius African-centered STEM program have a place they call home. At ACAS Little Genius and Sankofa home school families from all over the DMV area come together on a weekly basis to cooperatively empower our children through co-op classes in math, STEM, pan-African history, journalism, sewing and drumming. If you are an African-centered homeschooler come check us out! Here are some pics of Djembe players ranging from 8 to 11 years old accompanied by dancers. More info to come on the beautiful vibrant culture happening on 34th street, stay tuned.
After the drumming performance we jumped in the car and drove down Rhode Island Avenue less than five minutes to the Brentwood Arts Exchange at the 39th Street Gateway Arts Centers' 1st floor studio for a pop-up fashion show. Did you know that Washington DC has a Greater Washington Fashion Chamber of Commerce (GWFCC)? Yaaaasss! I've never heard of this before! I must say that is a pretty innovative idea. For more info on the GWFCC click here: Greater Washington Fashion Chamber of Commerce
I'll let these images speak for themselves...
Have you ever broken down the word Heart?
I believe Love n Vision = Art
And, Art is the Heart of the Community
#AfroBoricuaLivinMyPassion
Stay tuned...
 |
| NVIME designs |
Our Arts Journey this Saturday began at a quaint boutique NVIME nestled on 34th Street right across from the Adinkra Cultural Arts Studios in Mount Rainier where our Sankofa Homeschool Collective meets on Fridays from 9am to 2:45pm. Brother Glandus Thorne one part of the family owned business proudly shares his family's humble beginnings "I remember when we weren't able to afford to purchase this property" where they now successfully retail couture art, custom, hand-made unique accessories and clothing. Bro. Glandus recounts how he built the boutique with his own hands "This space was too small so, I had to knock out the bathroom and reconfigure it to make room for our vision." The chic and elegant showroom features refurbished vintage furniture pieces which serve as displays. Bro. Glandus does more than just provide a new shopping gem on 34th Street in Mount Rainier, he inspires others to be confident and push past seemingly impenetrable walls.
Next we ventured across the road to the Gateway Open Studios Artist Incubator building where artist lofts serve as residences and working studios. I made a new acquaintance and community neighbor, Mount Rainier Artist Lofts resident and artist Nicole Moore. Ms. Moore's versatile creations include one-of-a-kind jewelry pieces and handbags as well as two-dimensional artwork. But what I most remember about Sis. Nicole was how important her grandmother was in shaping the artist and woman she is today and, her grandmother's love and wisdom weaves through every one of her art pieces. Affectionately known as Moe Moe, she utilizes sterling silver, fine silver, semi-precious stones, wood, leather, crystals and shells in her art pieces. These semi-precious stones are not only appealing to the eye; they are used for their healing properties as well.
 |
| Moe Moe, Nani and I building community. |
 |
| One of my favorite pieces. |
 |
| Laughter is healing. |
 |
| Learning about each other's life stories |
Walking down the corridor of Gateway, I felt a stronger sense of familiarity not just with the streets I've been traveling to and fro' (WDC) for almost two months now, but with the people and families who live, work, play and create in Mount Rainier. On my way to the Adinkra Cultural Arts Studios' 4:30 drumming performance I was greeted by Anne L'Ecuyer, Founder and Phase 3 Project Director at Art Lives Here. Before I realized it, Anne was sharing information about summer arts camps for Nani who is a budding visual artist and fashion designer. Notwithstanding Anne's extensive arts management portfolio which, includes everything from published research scholarship on funding and development in the arts to teaching at American University and her work with Americans for the Arts, Anne's demeanor was personable and warm. I parted knowing I would be returning to Gateway City Open Studios to learn how I can contribute to the work resurrecting desolate spaces in our new home - The DMV.
The Adinkra Cultural Arts Studios (ACAS) located at 3804 34th Street, Mount Rainier, MD is The hub for African-centered mind-body-soul well-being and living. Because of ACAS the Sankofa Homeschool Collective and Little Genius African-centered STEM program have a place they call home. At ACAS Little Genius and Sankofa home school families from all over the DMV area come together on a weekly basis to cooperatively empower our children through co-op classes in math, STEM, pan-African history, journalism, sewing and drumming. If you are an African-centered homeschooler come check us out! Here are some pics of Djembe players ranging from 8 to 11 years old accompanied by dancers. More info to come on the beautiful vibrant culture happening on 34th street, stay tuned.
 |
| Farafina Kan May 14, 2016 Gateway OST Performance |
I'll let these images speak for themselves...
 |
I believe Love n Vision = Art
And, Art is the Heart of the Community
#AfroBoricuaLivinMyPassion
Stay tuned...
Monday, May 9, 2016
When Life is Your Classroom, The Learning Never Stops
"If the truth is told the youth can grow, they'll learn to survive, until they gain control, nobody says you have to be gangstas, hoes, Read more, learn more, change the globe." (Nas' I know I Can - from God's Son Album)
Life will go 360 degrees if you follow your vision...
For the past three weekends Nani and I have immersed ourselves in DC culture via our newest learning outlet Words, Beats & Life, Inc. Living up to its name, Words, Beats & Life is about more than just a roster of free courses to keep youth and young adults busy and off the streets; its mission is true to Hip Hop - taking what you already (got) know to create your highest self and, innovate your world.
On April 23rd Nani and I volunteered for WBL's annual Fine Lines Paint Jam. Alongside a dozen other volunteers we primed a massive 900 ft. long wall, to create a bubble gum pink backdrop where stylings of dozens of artists from around the country would completely transform a highly trafficked walk-through. The best part is WBL Academy students also bombed the wall taking their rightful place in the beautification of the community in which they live, work, learn and create. Being part of the prep crew was so much fun and truly an honor. The next day, a back alley walk-way was transformed by murals, food, music, chess and drum bands - art fleshed out in a kaleidoscope of color, dimension, sound and movement.
This weekend Nani and I ventured out to one of DC's most famed events in the year - The Funk Parade. The Funk Parade is a one-of-a-kind day fair, parade and music festival, celebrating Washington DC's vibrant music and arts, the U Street neighborhood, and the Spirit of Funk that brings us all together. What a day! Words, Beats and Life outdid themselves, once again.
Words, Beats & life hosts the DC public library Harrison Rec family funk pavilion turning it into an area the whole family enjoyed. I'll let the images speak for themselves, on this one.
Two nights a week from 6pm - 9pm Nani is at the Words, Beats & Life Academy; chillin' with some of the dopest individuals: artists, music producers, DJs, Master Chess players and equally live peers, in a safe, fun and family-friendly environment.
Kinesthetic learning:
Tactile Learning is a learning style in which learning takes place by the students carrying out physical activities, rather than listening to a lecture or watching demonstrations. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinesthetic_learning
WBL's mission is to transform individual lives and whole communities through the training in and presentation of the elements of Hip Hop culture. Fueled by four core values, WBL staff develops curriculum, projects, and programs to break the cycle of poverty and hopelessness for DC youth, parents and area Hip Hop artists.
If you thought I wasn't...I did.
You be safe; I'll be dangerous.
#AfroLatinaLivinMyPassion
STAY TUNED...
Life will go 360 degrees if you follow your vision...
For the past three weekends Nani and I have immersed ourselves in DC culture via our newest learning outlet Words, Beats & Life, Inc. Living up to its name, Words, Beats & Life is about more than just a roster of free courses to keep youth and young adults busy and off the streets; its mission is true to Hip Hop - taking what you already (got) know to create your highest self and, innovate your world.
On April 23rd Nani and I volunteered for WBL's annual Fine Lines Paint Jam. Alongside a dozen other volunteers we primed a massive 900 ft. long wall, to create a bubble gum pink backdrop where stylings of dozens of artists from around the country would completely transform a highly trafficked walk-through. The best part is WBL Academy students also bombed the wall taking their rightful place in the beautification of the community in which they live, work, learn and create. Being part of the prep crew was so much fun and truly an honor. The next day, a back alley walk-way was transformed by murals, food, music, chess and drum bands - art fleshed out in a kaleidoscope of color, dimension, sound and movement.
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| Early am 900 ft. wall priming |
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| Nani goin' at 900 ft. wall with a Roller - |
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| Nani in Street Art Class |
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| One of Nani's Street Art teachers, Bro. John of WBL. |
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| WBL's All Girl Bomb Squad |
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| DJ RBI's DJing class |
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| Nani chillin' with Grap Luva - Heavy D's cousin at WBL DJing Class |
This weekend Nani and I ventured out to one of DC's most famed events in the year - The Funk Parade. The Funk Parade is a one-of-a-kind day fair, parade and music festival, celebrating Washington DC's vibrant music and arts, the U Street neighborhood, and the Spirit of Funk that brings us all together. What a day! Words, Beats and Life outdid themselves, once again.
Words, Beats & life hosts the DC public library Harrison Rec family funk pavilion turning it into an area the whole family enjoyed. I'll let the images speak for themselves, on this one.
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| Nani and Krystiana Bonheur's boy Jaedan rockin' WBL's Funk Pavilion Chess board |
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| Executive Dir. of WBL Mazi sweetening everyone's day with some Cotton Candy. |
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| Eastern Academy's Band Dancers doin' tha damn thang. |
Two nights a week from 6pm - 9pm Nani is at the Words, Beats & Life Academy; chillin' with some of the dopest individuals: artists, music producers, DJs, Master Chess players and equally live peers, in a safe, fun and family-friendly environment.
Kinesthetic learning:
Tactile Learning is a learning style in which learning takes place by the students carrying out physical activities, rather than listening to a lecture or watching demonstrations. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinesthetic_learning
WBL's mission is to transform individual lives and whole communities through the training in and presentation of the elements of Hip Hop culture. Fueled by four core values, WBL staff develops curriculum, projects, and programs to break the cycle of poverty and hopelessness for DC youth, parents and area Hip Hop artists.
- Education: Hip Hop is a valuable teaching tool that engages youth and adults intellectually, creatively and kinesthetically.
- Opportunity: Hip Hop culture consists of a set of elements (skills) and experiences that allow its practitioners to transform their personal interests into marketable skills.
- Ownership: Hip Hop artist, scholars, and communities should be the primary owners of the cultural artifacts they create.
- Creativity: Hip Hop is a set of forms (elements) that allow harmonious and divergent voices, beliefs, and experiences to be seen, heard, engaged and valued.
If you thought I wasn't...I did.
You be safe; I'll be dangerous.
#AfroLatinaLivinMyPassion
STAY TUNED...
Monday, April 25, 2016
Time Traveler on The Cosmic Waters of Nuun
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| http://www.sankofahomeschool.org |
In the fall of 2015 a fellow Afro-Latina and former full time homeschooler put me on to Sankofa, a DC based African-centered Homeschooling Collaborative.
Sankofa is a Ghanaian Adinkra symbol meaning: go back and retrieve what was left behind; it also symbolizes the importance of knowing one's past (where you come from) so you can no where you are going - your future. I looked them up, on Facebook and, slowly I gained confirmation about the village I had envisioned many year ago - it existed. I saw beautiful Pan-African families (including single mothers and fathers) tailoring African-centered education for their children and families. My heart leaped every time I read a post on Pan-African children playing chess, winning debates, successfully pursuing a business or excelling in STEM; not as the "minority" or, exception but, as the rule, in a community of Pan-African (homeschooled) children .
In October of 2015, Frustrated by math curriculum entrenched in Christian/Anglo-saxon dogma,I reached out to one of the founders of Sankofa, Monica Utsey. Initially, we kept our emails polite, short and to the point about math curriculum. Meanwhile, a quiet voice deep inside me said "It's time; it's time to meet your village."
Visions and dreams I'd had as a child and, then again as young wombyn, came to remembrance...
When I was a very young child still living with my mother and siblings, I would have these terrible nightmares. I would see myself walking through desolate streets with abandoned buildings. The scariest part was that I was alone, completely alone. I knew no one in these streets; in these places. I could not recognize these places that felt so far away from where I lived. The buildings were hollowed out and empty. I hated these dreams because I didn't want to be alone. In 1998, I traveled to Cuba to do an independent study on Afro-cuban culture. As I looked out of the window of a beautiful 1957 chevy in Havana, Cuba I saw those same buildings. I knew no one there and no one knew me so, in that sense I was alone. Except, I did not feel abandoned. Instead, I felt fearless, protected and grateful. Those dreams were an foretelling of my future that I would bring life to desolate places.
I began to speak my community into existence more frequently; louder and louder - until they heard me. Remembrance came and escorted fear right out the door along with every emotional, psychological and physical attachment. In January of 2016 I reached out to Monica Utsey again. Our first conversation was a libation to our shared life, family and community goals. I knew it was time; time to jump back into the cosmic ocean and navigate time and space. After that pivotal conversation, I wrote the following bio.
In October of 2015, Frustrated by math curriculum entrenched in Christian/Anglo-saxon dogma,I reached out to one of the founders of Sankofa, Monica Utsey. Initially, we kept our emails polite, short and to the point about math curriculum. Meanwhile, a quiet voice deep inside me said "It's time; it's time to meet your village."
Visions and dreams I'd had as a child and, then again as young wombyn, came to remembrance...
When I was a very young child still living with my mother and siblings, I would have these terrible nightmares. I would see myself walking through desolate streets with abandoned buildings. The scariest part was that I was alone, completely alone. I knew no one in these streets; in these places. I could not recognize these places that felt so far away from where I lived. The buildings were hollowed out and empty. I hated these dreams because I didn't want to be alone. In 1998, I traveled to Cuba to do an independent study on Afro-cuban culture. As I looked out of the window of a beautiful 1957 chevy in Havana, Cuba I saw those same buildings. I knew no one there and no one knew me so, in that sense I was alone. Except, I did not feel abandoned. Instead, I felt fearless, protected and grateful. Those dreams were an foretelling of my future that I would bring life to desolate places.
I began to speak my community into existence more frequently; louder and louder - until they heard me. Remembrance came and escorted fear right out the door along with every emotional, psychological and physical attachment. In January of 2016 I reached out to Monica Utsey again. Our first conversation was a libation to our shared life, family and community goals. I knew it was time; time to jump back into the cosmic ocean and navigate time and space. After that pivotal conversation, I wrote the following bio.
"I am a time traveler; have been since I was a little girl...
As an emancipated minor in NYC, I overcame stereotypes, dead end statistics, homelessness and poverty. In college, I pursued my African heritage and traveled to Cuba and Senegal West Africa where I completed independent research and a thesis. I am a writer, truth teller, thinker, grass roots activist and curious citizen of the world. I need music, colors and people, but even more, I need the color and music of my people.
Empowering others is my health and wealth. I believe we speak into existence a world that affirms who we are. More than making a living, I want to make a mark. I envision myself part of a vibrant, fearless community where WE garden our highest selves, mentally, spiritually and physically. I believe we are the direct ascendants of the pyramid builders and, master navigators of the world’s waters. For some time now, I’ve been calling out to the Universe for my elders, my sisters, my brothers, my peers…my family fearless in their pursuit of self, family and community.
In the summer of 2000 I interned on the Hill for Dennis Kucinich. I felt asphyxiated by the corporate, handwashing status quo culture. One evening a co-worker invited me to “happy hour” and that’s when I entered the U Street Cardoza world of DC. I found my politics, my reflection in the people’s cadence and stride. I was never the same. I had found the language to describe – me. When I graduated from Univ. of Mass, Amherst in 2003 my immediate plan was to move to Washington, D.C. The Universe had other plans for my personal development.
The last 13 years have been an accelerated program of growth; burying false stories told by the fear that imprisons our people and birthing my truth. Through the birth of my daughter and passing of her father I have learned to doubt fear and trust possibility. Our testimony is strong; it announces our arrival well before we enter a room or a nation and yes, even a mind. Thirteen years later, I am on course to DC.
We are believing for a safe, loving, nurturing and fearless family to share and barter with for housing and support each other in our family and community goals. We are looking to move in by the first of Feb or, as soon as possible. This could be temporary or – we may be the missing branches of each other’s family tree.
Hotep Family." Circa January 2016.
It had been at least 13 years since I had done something so bold - to write my vision with such clarity and confidence, put it on a kite and see if the wind would take it where it needed to go. Some said, I was throwing caution to the wind - but what else flies a kite?
I never met so many Pioneer Valley residents as quickly as I did in this that last trimester of gestation full of purging doubt and fear which, culminated in the selling of all non-essentials. Sold every material representation of comfort and status. So while my daughter and I watched all of our material possessions disappear out of site we became braver and more excited about charting this new chapter in our lives. Some were excited for us; while others could do nothing but look through their own inhibitions. To the physical eye I was gambling a facade of stability for a guaranteed unknown. Through, my Udjat (third eye) I saw a route to the next phase of my life; an illuminated path versus the overpowering shadow, where my daughter and I stood.
So what happened?
It was as if someone (much older and wiser than I) took me by the hand and said "If the mountain was smooth; you would not be able to climb it. Now, don't look down or, back. Just keep moving ahead; you will know when you've arrived to your destination." I did just that. I sold everything I could sell. My daughter and I both were so attached to the rocking chair I nursed my baby girl in and read books to when she only an infant. But, it didn't fit in the car so, I knew, it was meant to stay. So many lessons of letting go, of moving past my feelings, of shedding excess. A lesson which continues to the day of this writing. I did something I hadn't done in a long time. I bent time and space.
How did I bend time and space?
Have you ever pretended? Have you ever daydreamed? When was the last time you did so? To pre-tend is a very powerful metaphysical act; children who do it all the time are fearless and free. Have you ever been so deep in thought (daydreaming) that you couldn't hear another person's incessant attempt to get your attention. When I was a child the teacher would call my name three, four, five times before I snapped back into the room. Where was I? And, why couldn't I physically hear the teacher incessantly calling my name? Because you are wherever your mind is - literally. I was in my future.
So what is time and space?
Some say time is a measurement of rhythm or movement, as in the movement of the Earth around Sun, music, or consciousness, that is, awareness. Space is a measurement of location.
Now, back to pretending...what are you doing when you are pretending?
Pretend: To intend; to design; to plot; to attempt.
Pretend: To put in, or make, a claim, truly or falsely; to allege a title; to lay claim to, or strive after, something.
Pretend: To stretch or reach forward; aim; aspire: often with to.
Etymology
Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary
OE. pretenden, to lay claim to, F. prétendre, L. praetendere, praetentum, to stretch forward, pretend, simulate, assert; prae, before + tendere, to stretch. See Tend (v. t.)
Source: http://www.finedictionary.com/
If you meditate on the breakdown of the word pretend you will become fully aware of its true definition. When you pre-tend, you are stretching forward, (traveling, journeying) to your future, before it's physical materialization. You are summoning your, now. But, if it's only in your mind, how are you physically acting it out? Because, you are where your thoughts are. We are not confined by our physical body; we are light energy. We constantly move between time zones or through space. We are most aware of this when we travel by plane to a different time zone or, via a long distance phone or video call or, in our sleep. But, you can do it - with your thoughts.
I bent time and space because I envisioned my daughter and I living in DC amongst a community of fearless POC who create the family, community and world that uplifts and reflects our highest selves. I saw my daughter playing chess with children she could identify with culturally. I saw myself surrounded by sisters and brothers of the diaspora who are empowered by the truth of their Ancient African greatness and instill this in their children. I saw myself joining a community that actively reaches back to retrieve the ancestral legacy of the Ancient Nile Valley civilizations - master builders of the Pyramids, master navigators of the world's waters, master astronomists, healers and agriculturists. Because I saw myself with them, I pulled them into my existence. I did not know the finite details of how I would meet them. I just knew, I needed to start moving in accordance with my vision.
We arrived in Washington D.C. Thursday, March 10, 2016. My daughter and I still had no permanent or temporary address; we stayed in an Air B n' B for three nights. On Sunday, our third and last day scheduled to be in DC Monica, Nani and I finally had brunch together. I fully intended on proceeding with my contingency plan (to drive to NC, stay with another sister friend and work towards relocation from there). But, what I had spoken, materialized. My plan became obsolete.
Sis. Monica told me about Teresa Price, a recent widow and mother of two college student sons. As if on cue, her youngest son had just left for college..."She's leaving for Spain tomorrow," explained Monica. "We better go see her tonight." I was physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted. I didn't know how it would all work out; I only knew I had to (pre-tend) stretch myself forward.
The whole way to Teresa's house, I did everything I could to overcome fear of rejection - I didn't look down, I didn't look back. Teresa is a seriously happy, tree-hugging, incense burning, animal respecting vegan - she is the real deal. While her physical health is impressive it is her spiritual health that has caused me to be curious enough to break some of my negative thinking patterns and toxic eating habits. Teresa is the wise, patient, big sister I never had; she is the loving, generous auntie Nani has needed and deserved. I stand in complete awe of the materialization of my "village vision" for a nurturing home and missing branches of our family tree.
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Nani and I have accomplished in six weeks what we could not do in our eleven years in Western Mass. We are moving at the speed of light. I have inserted some pics to illustrate our journey.
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| Spring 2016 Little Genius STEM class |
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| Nani's Words Beats n Life Street Art Class |
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| Words Beats n Life Bomb Squad |
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| Oops! I think we went too far into our future. Lol. Infrared lighting at Sci Fair. |
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| Sister Monica is wearing that Sombrero, ain't she? |
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| Sankofa's 1st Spring '16 Skate STEM field trip. |
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| Sankofa's Zuma Zuma Zimbabwean Circus field trip. |
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